“I can’t take it anymore. Planning for separation.”
“Yes, if it is becoming impossible, then you should separate.”“You think so ?”
“Thank you, I am feeling relieved”“It’s your life, you can’t allow others to create stress and kill you”
“Ya, Exactly. What do I have to do ?“
“Send a lawyers notice for divorce.”
“When did you get married ?”
“It’s 10 years, now. 2008.”
“Did you find your spouse or did your parents find for you ?”
“Well, we met, liked each other and told our parents.”
“What did you like in your partner?”
“The smile, the hair, common interests”
“What did the spouse find good in you ?”
“My dress sense, songs, movies, interest in kids, pets”
“Likes and dislikes”
“One liked, Reading, cricket, the other disliked, one liked shopping, travel, the other preferred home.”
The couple have two children, an 8 year boy and girl, 5.
“Won’t it affect the children, your separation?”
“No because, they will be free from living in the midst of fights.”
“What about love? “
“Oh. We will share the Kids if I don’t get both of them.”
“How easy is the upbringing going to be?”
“Well, I have not thought of that. It’s their fate.”
“Since when have you started hating each other?”
“When the second kid was six months old.”
No more questions, in case of a divorce you cannot imagine how many lives are going to be affected. Both of you should sit together and open up your minds and tell each other your likes and dislikes of each other and go ahead without treading on each other’s toes. You should feel more responsible and dutybound.
Be a good friend to your spouse. Work at your marriage instead of taking it for granted.
If you have to consult a marriage counsellor, do so, before you take the plunge.
These days many couples are going through similar situations. The solutions are not generic because every individual is unique.
In many cases, the romance of courting days are on the downslide after the honeymoon.
Both parties get into arguments. One of them says sorry, the other will not close it, they will keep on, what sorry, you know what happens blah blah… last year at Sundar’ s place, you…
The other person is exhausting the anger stored, inside. Some minor irritation in the morning, may be a knock on a chair, who kept this chair here, seething inside fuels into anger.
This anger mood influences the consequences of your subsequent actions. In relationships, what you say may be right, however, how you say it, makes the difference. The tone may be of anger, disgust, frustration, egoistic, negative and gets a response in the same frequency, ending in arguments and conflicts.
An argument leads to WHO is right and to know WHAT is right, you need a discussion. There will be lot of “I told you, you are always like that, why don’t you change, cant trust you to do anything right and on and on”.
Difference of opinions, arguments and fights are a must in a married life, it’s the maturity level that decides the out come
An egg hardens in a boiling water, carrot softens and coffee powder changes the colour. Different people responds differently Your reactions create a negative environment which affects everybody caught in the flux.
Good to have a mood checking alarm every hour in your mobile. What’s the mood ? Want to change it to a better one, happy one ? Bring your thoughts into what you are doing, stop multitasking, change your priorities. It’s all in your thoughts. Think of your loved one, listen to a mood changing music or read or dance. Some people enjoy suffering, this is not for them. They stress if they do not have a problem.
We have situations to deal with in life, which others calls as problem. When you call it a situation it is easier to deal with it because in a problem, the solution is blurred by emotions and prejudices.
When asked, whether your husband makes you happy, the lady replied, “no”.
“It is not his business and he does not have to ‘I believe in being happy, no body needs to make me happy and you should not expect happiness from outside, it is an internal matter”
Happy couples respect each other and have a general positive view of each other. They continue to be fond of each other by admiring the positive elements of each other rather than fighting over their shortcomings.
Turn toward each other instead of away and have open communication ( In case you are having an affair, I do not know how you should communicate)
Make decisions together on common topics (otherwise, let the lady decide about household matters and the husband on international matters like should there be a wall along Mexican border?)
The older generation will advise you about ideal marriages, since today divorces are happening at the drop of a hat. Change in the environment, gender bias is on the decrease, influence of education, women empowerment, economic independence gives the confidence to drop the guy from the partnership
Older generation, the male dominance and the female dependency, covered the status of the marriage, happy or unhappy, hang on.
Both partners have strong and weak points in them. Accept that, respect that.
Some of your shortcomings may be the strength of the other. There are things which one cannot do, the other can. Look for completeness, not competition in a relationship. Two of you should make it one.
The physical romance gets over in no time, the real romance can be found in performing the duties and responsibilities and the little things together. Accept each other’s failure whenever it happens. Don’t scream. If the behaviour angers, take a break, do some deep breathing, come back and discuss the issue.
Don’t look for all the virtues in a single person. Do you know why Draupadi had five husbands ? She was promised all the virtues which was not found in one person, hence five of them. Don’t make her your role model and go hunting
One of the beauty of life is, it is in your hands to give meaning to every situation.
An event is just nothing, it is your reaction that makes it something. Some one drops coffee on your shirt. The reaction can be from murder to laughter. Give a pleasant meaning to every situation. If you break your leg get into a plaster and put your feet up and asked the visitors to sign on it. Find enjoyment in every misery.
Remember nothing has meaning, you give your own and make a life.
Once, walking up the steps on to the stage to speak, my shoe opened its mouth and had a guffaw expression, I showed it to the people, moved aside, took it off and spoke with my socks on. Everybody enjoyed the event and my talk. If I had reacted any other way specially tried to hide it, the evening could have been a disaster.
Sit together with a paper and pen, list down all your fights and the reactions.
It may have been physical or close to it, anger, tears, frustrations, thoughts (of even murder), note it down. Another column, what could have been the alternate reaction..
Tick from the list below the keywords creating issues in your marriage and
Ifs and buts
& many more
Many couples feel an emptiness. Romance, money, words, love are sometimes not enough, because what’s missing in many marriages today goes deeper.
Companionship is the most important element in a marriage, it’s value keep increasing as you grow old, nurture your relationship, it prevents emptiness and energises your life