18 steps TO

Shall we go to Sabarimala”, I asked my b-i-l, Jayarajan.
“Sure, when shall we go”, he asked
“When it is least crowded,” I said
“It is opened for 5 days, around the middle of the month.”, he said.
We decided, some time in the month of May
All these years, I have been asked by some relative or friend to join them to go to Sabarimala. It’s been a no from my side for no reason. I am not a temple goer on my own, however I have visited lot of famous temples with my spouse ( she is number one in this matter) and my friends.
For the ones who heard about my request to go to Sabarimala, did not take it seriously, they knew since it is not happening now, it will never happen.
When Jayarajan confirmed about the online booking and other arrangements, here was my reply with a smile to a shocked audience, there is no reason to why but to go and…”
We were on our way in Jayan’s car, driven by Basheer. Before, I forget, my special appreciation of the beautiful road all the way to Pamba river, complete turn around from my critical views from false reports by the opponents.
I have no idea what I am in for. I am blindly following what Jayan is doing. We have to carry a coconut filled with ghee and some rice, wrapped in a cloth, made into a bundle, carry it on the head and walk to sabarimala.
We have to go up two hills, karimala and I did not catch the second name, which Jayan mentioned. As the ascend started, I sensed, this is not goingto be a walk in the park. The three hills, how many kilometers, how much time, I took care not to ask, I realized if I have to make it to the top, the less I know the better. This is not the age for a first time experience.
Every body was in black dhothi, simple dress, unshaven, never mind from which strata of life, all looked humble and surrendered and equal. Then there were young girls below the age of 12 and ladies beyond 60 years of age. Where are the ladies between 12 and 60. Shsh…it’s an issue in the Supreme Court, a subject that is out of context here.
Here we go, step one, two, three, I would like to say what my grand nephew Sid would say, and many more. A few morning walks in the park, this I realized it’s going to be a different ball game. Within ten minutes, I started looking to rest.

.All the lectures I have given at different forums, on commitments, perseverance, quiters are losers, goals, stress management, well old man, you need all of them. Did you say, age is a number ?.

Resting on a granite bench, I heard some comments from passers by, “Last time, I came, these steps and railings were not there”, “my grand father said, in their times this was a dense forest with wild animals and they carried rice, coconut, spices and stoves to cook on the way, since they had to walk for days to reach the destination”, “lucky ones who were not any meal for these wild life would get back home, a life of probabilities”.

I was trying to draw inspiration from the stray remarks, thought to myself, your job should be easier, comparatively , with all facilities provided. There were people with weaker legs overtaking me, I was wondering how the hell ? They went past me and out of my sight, while I am looking for the next bench. Their strength must be their belief in Ayyappan, the deity at their destination, while I am wondering why am I here, what for ?

I heard someone say, it’s about 6 km. Oops, with my 2 minute travel and ten minute rest, either I may not make it or it may take more than a day. I even started thinking whether the provide beds on the way to sleep.
Then I saw four healthy looking guys had two wooden bars on their shoulders with a chair carrying an old lady. There were more of them taking people up the hill for a good fee. At a point some one asked me “ dolly ?”. That’s what they called that mode of travel. I took that offer as an insult. I said “NO” firmly, though the temptation was…

I thought “Menon, Saar, it is time for a good talk”.
“You thought, going to Sabarimala is all about going up 18 steps, I don’t think you are going to see them in the near future, it’s far away. Since you came without any purpose or belief, you have to find strength to make it”, from where ?”.

!I know for you trekkers or regulars, it is kid stuff, I am neither.

“ Don’t look up, to see how much to cover, and don’t look back and say, what only this much, just look down, and move up one step at a time, put your left leg forward, breath in, put your right foot forward, breath out, you will be in the NOW, no past, no future”.
In the beginning, after a few steps, your mind wanders and you go out of synch. The Leg muscles start crying for the benches. Then after a few climb, I got control over myself and the breaks reduced and after a couple of hours, we were walking on a less inclined surface.
We reached the temple premises, where the great singer Yesudas’s divine voice received us with devotional song  and we were at first rung of the 18 steps. They were very steep, quietly went up, at the 17th step, one more, a hand came forward (a security officer) and pulled me up to cover the 18th step. There was a que divided into two sections by a railing for Ayappa Darshan. As soon as we reached the railing, got directed where the blocking rope for one of the que was opened and we just walked through and reached the diety in few seconds, where whole lot of them, who were ahead of us got stuck in the first Que.
I was blindly following Jayan, I don’t remember what I did there except that I was floating around the place after reaching the destination. We took a room, slept on the floor on a mat, it was so easy, woke up in the morning for our return journey.

Somebody explained the significance of the steps

The first five steps are called panchedriyas: They symbolise the five human senses of sight, sound, smell, taste and touch.
Next come the eight steps of the ashtaragas. These signify emotions: Krodh (anger), kama (lust), lobh (greed), moh (desire), asooya (jealousy), dhoombh (boastfulness), madha (unhealthy competition) and maltsarya (pride). It is believed that climbing up the steps while chanting helps control emotions that cause pain in the world.
The trigunas, the next three steps, stand for three human qualities, satva (goodness or purity), rajas (passion) and tamas (inertia or dullness).
The last two steps represent vidya (knowledge) and its opposite, avidya (ignorance).

My spouse had done this trip a few years ago, she had told me the hardship, then I did not listen, may be I was looking at my phone. After my return, I was curious to know from her how she had made the trip with her health issues.
In short, her story, as soon as I had a dip in the Pamba river, I placed the irumudi on my head and started walking. It started raining, got drenched and walked up the slippery path with support from the group. After listening to the details of her trip, I should not be talking or writing about my trip. How did she make it, I was wondering, yes, must be her belief