NO, your “I”ness

Blush in the concrete

We were 3 on a bike when we noticed a cop directing the traffic at the junction. I got down from the bike and let the other two go, to catch up, after walking  past the cop. While I reached near the constable,  he asked  “ What happened, they dropped you ?”

I said , “oh! you saw us, sorry, they will wait for me, ahead”

He just smiled and felt happy about the respect he got.

How did it work ?

I was wrong, in breaking the rules, he was wrong in not issuing a ticket to us , in spite of all that, there were just smiles all around.

He was in an authoritarian position and his ego should have driven him to take action against me.

My respect for him overcame his ego. This is an old story.

Another occasion, I went to school for my daughter’s admission in standard XI. A tough looking owner or chairman, I cannot remember, and his two accomplices, asks me to sit down and looks at me and asks,  “ yes, what do you want”.

“I have come for admission for my daughter, if possible please allow her to appear for the test, she has secured 94% marks in her 10th.”

“Today everybody gets in 90s, nothing great, why don’t you go to …”(he mentions a few schools), “why do you want  to come here ?”. He said , dropping the mark sheet on the table. Here the  EGO had a tone , that happens when some one has  a high reputation and you don’t have one.

I looked into his eyes and said firmly, “Because this is the best school”.

I saw a blush on the concrete face.

They lost control of their hands and mind,  one picked up a glass and put it back, the other picked the copy of the mark sheet and handed over to the member next to him, the member had an expression of what do I do with this. After a few seconds, the chairman looked at me and said “she will have to appear for a test” and instructed the lady next to him to arrange for the test. Daughter did well and got admission.

The ego has a weakness for appreciation, even for flattery .  Here I was honest and it was genuine.

All the above incidents makes me look like an expert  ego handler. I am not, otherwise I would have been a successful marketing guy. That is one area, with my style of functioning, a lot left to be desired

In relationship, ego plays a big role. It can create all the unwanted emotions, misunderstanding and issues. It is about self, the capital “ I”, Iness.

Tennessee Williams– “Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all see …each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition– all such distortions within our own egos– condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other”

There is a pure us,  inside, shrouded by an ego.  Ego, the self love and selfishness that directs us in our conscious state.  Every body has ego, some big, the others, less.

Most of the time, the ego acts in a destructive way. The ego is looking for power and falsely creates a complex. People having  inferior or superiority complex lives under the cover of EGO.

Besides you, your boss has it, everybody around you has it, only the degree varies.

In offices, they manipulate, to get rewarded, appreciated and even promoted before they crash into reality.

We encounter this issue with association members of the layout you live in, the flat owners, office, community, joint family, professional bodies, what am I trying to list, it’s there in every group. Look out for the signs, they simply oppose, refuse to go along with the majority decision. They oppose, by refusing to pay the contributions with some clumsy reasons and enjoy the facilities free of cost.

Ego raises its head, when someone thinks he has power. Notice the buses on the roads, road kings, will stop where ever they like, make people, young and old, run after them to board, while the driver enjoys the miseries of others in the rear view mirror.

It is the ego that corrupts power.

They think that everything they do or say is right. Their world revolves around their own perfect image.  It can be tough but there are ways to deal with an egoist

In early stage of my life, one  goal was to be egoless, ego, size zero. Unless you are a saint, it is not the right goal to have. You will be walked over by all and sundry.

My ego in action, when

I feel insecure and try to cover it up by appearing more confident or competent than I really believe I am,

I make up stories to impress other people.

I want to be the centre of attention in all situations, the limelight

I cannot take rejection, criticism or competition..

I  think  how things should be done and people should behave.  When it do not happen  my way, it angers me and end up shouting at others

'It takes a great man to admit his mistakes. Fortunately, I've never made any.'
‘It takes a great man to admit his mistakes. Fortunately, I’ve never made any.’

Remember

People like and accept you much more when you allow yourself to be human and fallible like the rest of us.

Tell the truth –  your life, and stories, are interesting.

Let someone else have the limelight, you will feel good.

Don’t compare yourself with anyone. You are unique..

See the world from their point of view.

The only opinion that really counts is the one you have of yourself. The work that needs doing is not on the outside but  inside.

Strengthen your inner resources rather that controlling external circumstances.

Be humble, all your relationships will improve.

“I” do not achieve anything on my own, its “WE”.

Simplify  life, love & live with others peacefully

Have a giving attitude than getting

Do not be a slave of your ego.

For believers in GOD, ego is Erasing God Out

Michael Elijah writes: “Learn how to kill your ego. It blinds and fetters us from possibility and progress. Learn how to burst your bubble with simple questions [such] as, ‘What if things aren’t what they seem to be?’ and vitally, ‘What if I am wrong?'”

Ego as an item line in business

In Egonomics, David Marcum & Steven Smith has this to say,

Ego is an invisible item line on every company s profit and loss statement.  It can be a greatest asset or most expensive liability.

On the profit side ego sparks the fire to invent and achieve, the nerves to try something new and the tenacity to conquer  adversities that inevitably come.

Of we manage ego wisely, we get the upside it delivers followed by strong returns. But when that intense, persistent force inside manages us, companies suffer real economic losses.

Throw away good money after bad decisions.

When we momentarily lose control of ego,  we can lose a lot :  trust, respect, relationship, influences, talent, careers, client and market shares.

Management of the ego of the human beings in business is the biggest challenge. It affects the business one way or the other.

What makes us think that the earth needs us, we need the earth, cool down.

Question:

Why does it take more than a million sperms to fertilize one egg?

Gynaecologist: Two reasons:

  1. *Female Ego..*

Rejection without reason.

  1. *Male Ego..*

Won’t ask for directions.

Published by:

rajmenon

Grateful for the love and respect received so far. Inspire, motivate and enable anybody to achieve their limitless limits-that is my goal for the rest of my life. Cofounder KelpHR, kelphr.com

Categories Uncategorized8 Comments

8 thoughts on “NO, your “I”ness”

  1. A good analysis of the disruptive role ego plays in all walks of life (personal, business etc.). In most cases two egos are involved complicating the matter and raising many situations to high risk. By manging one’s own ego one can halve that risk. But the other ego remains. One can bribe it with flattery or win it over by a just appreciation.

    I liked the sentence: “I” do not achieve anything on my own, its “WE”. Many situations re adverserial and one needs to turn then into corroborative win-win one.

    The trouble is we are not always in control of our emotions and specially when we are negotiating a difficult situation. Many will agree to humble their ego but will without being aware forget that promise or resolve in the middle of a situation. It is when you are able to remain in control of your ego at such moments that you can begin to come out of majority of situations with a success.

  2. Yes, my “We”ness

    Interesting topic Rajan. Here is my reaction.

    WeGO creates team sprit – A case.
    A few years back, I had the opportunity to conduct a one day workshop for 20 BSNL heads of Madurai Telecom District Heads in their office on “Implementation of quality management system”. The attendance was full, they keenly listened the presentation. I didn’t expect this kind of response. During the working lunch, many participants (most of them old!) told me that they realized the importance of Quality management system (their MR had expressed that QMS Implementation is not happening due to lack of support.) They also assured me that they will implement it sincerely in their offices. After a few days, the BSNL coordinator called me to thank for the presentation. His conclusion after getting feedback from the participants was that “the presentation was well received because you used “We” instead of “you” and “I”. You were not advising as an advisor or expert but sharing as one of our team members. There were a few other points also.

    What we can observe from this case is that:
    1. Ego clash occurs when one person is trying to communicate with others in a Parent (TA) state with words “I” and “You”. Result: Communication is ineffective.
    2. When a person communicates with the word “We”, that person remains in Adult (TA) state and raises every one above their egos. There are no “I”s and “You”s. Result: Communication is effective.

    Sakthidaran

    1. Thanks, Sakthi for your wonderful comments. There is an advt of some health drink when one says the secret of my energy,when the other corrects and the secret of our energy. I followed the philosophy of WE in my life and is a happy man. I learnt very early in life, “I” creates stress.

      1. Rajan, I was naturally using “nAma = we” from childhood. Some persons interpreted my “we” as royal singular. At one stage, I realized that the west and Americans in particular preferred the usage of I to be more specific. I found it difficult to change as it sounded arrogant and egoistic. When I started leading people, I realized “we” was liked by the team members. So, let us continue “we” and enjoy the relationship.

  3. Good morning Mr. Menon. its really a nice blog by u. By the way, u have started knowiong me thru Linkedin only, or from some where else.

  4. Rajetten and Sakthi-very true…!in fact ,I(oops-we!) think, the root cause of the two world wars, is the “I”….imagine a situation when Hitler uses the word “we” instead of “I”….Hitler could have ceased to be Hitler..and no war..

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