I do not want to get married, have decided to stay single. I will marry but first I want to put my career in a proper path. I want to enjoy a few years of free life before I get stuck with some one. These girls are stupid, I am ready to get married right now and its not happening.
These were a few natural responses I got from four pretty young girls travelling along with me in the train to Cochin, when we were discussing ” Is there a right age for marriage in India”.
You are right, I hope all of you stick to your decisions. I know a few, who were always in an argument with their parents about marriage. Parents are under pressure to get the daughters married at the earliest. Once a girl starts working, relatives, friends and the neighbor have one question for the parents,about the marriage of their daughter. You can tell them any reason you want, they will come up with the same question, the next time they meet you. Anything? Why not ? It is the same for their sons, also. But let us stick to the daughters , here. Parents may be taking the sides of their daughters in order go along with her wishes but if the marriage can be conducted at the appropriate time (what is appropriate time) they can fulfill their responsibilities and plan for their retirement.
Many, decides to stay single in their youths, but as they enter mid age, thoughts, belief system and environment changes, a loneliness creeps in since all their friends are married and have their own priorities and even their best friend has a list and you may have moved to the bottom of the list. We are natures children and nature has its laws and designs. Humans have been designed to survive as a couple, to sustain mankind and their tribe. If you do not want to marry, then you should have a long term mission in life,
a mother teresa type or an equivalent with a strong social objective.If there is no trace of any mission at the young age when you decide to be single, then you are heading for an out of tune life. Not that, every married life is successful but they fall into a category of exceptions. And a few hit the right chord may be after two or three attempts.It is advisable not to defy nature.
A lady who was listening to our conversation barged in. Waiting to reach a settled position in career or live a freaking out freedom for a few years before getting stuck with someone is fair enough. But what is ‘enough’, how long. Time has an important role to play. 26 is a threshold age. Initially finance may be a constraint(though manageable in most cases) but the energy level is high to get married and have a family may be 2 years after.Generally, the more you delay, chances of increased discomfort due to biological and energy reasons. Another advantage, which is very far fetched, is that your children will be settled while you are still working.
A lot of activities should be parallel, not happen sequentially. We should be working towards our career, financial, health, family goals at the same time.Please do not put one behind the other.
Later the topic changed to property matters and its division among children.Before they could voice their opinion I took over the centre stage and spoke at a stretch leaving them dumbstruck.
I have two daughters, both are engineers, working, earning and married. They wanted to bear their marriage expenses. Well, being a father, I could not allow that though they shared a part of it for a feel good experience. However, I am expecting them to make their life, create wealth of their own. Neither my sister nor I, used my father’s earnings to make a living or for wealth creation.My parents looked after us until we started earning. My children will not be getting any of my earnings, they are capable of having their own. My wonderful son in laws belongs to the same school of thought. Best wishes to them.I plan to give away my savings (left, if any) for some good cause.after my tenure on this earth