Thank you and forgive me

I am coming to bangalore for my father’s shraddam, death anniversary, we will be performing a few rituals under the guidance of a pujari. 16th is the function, can we meet. I will be there for a week.

I will not be in Bangalore until mid December, travelling. We will get into a call once you reach Bangalore.
Two days after his ceremony, we got connected and he shared all the details of his ceremony , attended by his brother, sister and a few close relatives.
He kept explaining how it helps to keeps the family intact and gives peace to the departed soul. He asked me whether I follow such tradition ?
I said not every year though my relatives follow every year.

Whatever, I did was during 16 days after the passing away of my parents.

I told him they passed away when they reached their age of 95.

Did they leave at the same time, he asked.

My father passed away when he was 95 and later my mother went when she reached her age of 95.

You mean you do not observe their anniversary?

Well, you see, my sister and I are among the fortunate ones who had 60 to 70 years with them.

I had taken them for granted, they took care of themselves and went out of their way not to ask for anything. They were very happy just to be near us.
Disobedience, lies, ignorance of advises, attitude due to the generation gap, all part of our relationship , here today gone tomorrow, all worked on foundation of love and respect.

My sister was abroad, finally she came and settled in Kerala and was a big support for them. She and my brother-in-law were with them, round the clock service and love.

I being in Bangalore would travel by overnight bus and made weekend visits once or twice a month. My father used to tell me not to take the trouble to travel, I should spend more time with my kids.
My mother later told my wife, though he says that I should not be travelling so often, he will keep looking at the gate every Saturday morning and have breakfast only when he is convinced after giving an hour for a probable delay from the schedule time to accept that weekend I may not be showing up.
Towards the end of their tenure, I was able to stay 2 years with my mother, that’s much more than with my father.

The simplest solution was we all could have stayed in Bangalore together but the weather went against my father and he developed Asthma. Once he left Bangalore he was fine.

Once they left, I had a disturbed feeling, I don’t know what I have done for them, whatever, it was not enough, should have done much more.

Every day I connect with them, I breathe in , hold my breath , thank them for what they have done for me and ask them for forgiveness for what I have not done for them and breathe out, 21 times.

My friend went silent and after a few hellos from me, he said come to think of it even I have not done enough.